My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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