State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
