I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
