if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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