I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
