so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
