Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
