Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize