Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
not ubering you a puppy
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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