So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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