she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize