My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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