just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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