u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
