Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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