quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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