Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
