I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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