I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
