i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
