Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do vagina's smell?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
