I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
