Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
