You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
