just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize