Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
