Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
