Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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