you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize