please come you make the beer taste better
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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