I'm gonna have a badass scar
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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