the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
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