Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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