I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
