so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
