My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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