totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
