one two three fourrrrnication!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
