my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
