Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
