How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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