: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
