I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
