i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
