How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
