tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
