Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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