Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
