you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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