for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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