He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize