Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
