I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize