I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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