you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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