Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
