Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
