Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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