I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
