Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
