So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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