i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
