One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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