Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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