Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
