She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
