Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
