Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
