i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When did angry sex become our thing?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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