dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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